Shapeshifting Days
by WindowChild
Summary: The occupants of the loft, as they move and change over time.


_Round 1_

Benny, Mark, Roger and Maureen.

Benny and Mark are friends from college, while Mark and Roger are friends from forever. The three form a tight bond fairly quickly, and it is inevitable that they share their first apartment.

Roger was roommates with Maureen while the other two attended college, so the details are finessed for her to live with them. It is humorous, at first, and then takes on a definite flirty air.

There is unspoken competition, especially when Maureen walks around in only her underwear. All three of the guys are single, looking for someone like her. And she giggles, enjoying it, knowing she'll hold out on picking a boyfriend for as long as she can. She likes the attention.

It is late at night, after one of Roger's gigs, that she finally gives Mark a kiss. He'll be the most fun to have around, she thinks. And he melts into an awe-struck puddle, shocked by his good luck. In the past, it was always Roger who got the girls.

_Round 2_

Benny, Mark, Roger, Maureen and Collins.

A new roommate. Collins, one of the nicest, funniest guys they've met. And if possible, their secluded bubble of youth and music gets a little brighter. Still, they are happy, still they don't know what's waiting for them.

He has aids, which is a slight reminder of reality, although no one gives it a second thought. He is a professor, which sounds so adult to recent graduates, and they all grow to respect him at once.

They continue to live, not focusing on the fact that it can't stay this way forever.

_Round 3_

Mark, Roger, Maureen and Collins.

And of course, it doesn't stay that way. Their lives twist and reshape, seemingly without warning.

Benny moves out. Benny gets engaged. Benny _buys the building._ It is an irony that no one expected, although at first nothing changes.

For a while, he continues to live with them. It is a bit of a joke, living with the building's owner, but the tension is minimal.

Finally though, the wedding day comes. He and Allison Gray get married, and his four friends' smiles are all forced. She is not right for him, she is not right for _them._

After the wedding, he moves out. He had to, of course, but it still feels strange. Even though he promises that things will stay the same, there is no way that they could. They've become a family, sort of, and Benny's abandonment ruins that illusion.

"But fellows," Benny says, using his kidding voice, "Now that I'm landlord, you won't have to pay rent anymore." He's playing around, but he's also very serious. It is his stupid, stupid appeasement for leaving them. And yet, everyone buys it.

_Round 4_

Mark, Roger, Maureen, Collins and April.

Once things have begun to change, they do not stop.

Roger gets a girl. Her name is April, and she's the closest thing to a groupie that he has. But she's also everything he was looking for, and the two are dating before anyone else can wrap their minds around it.

Then, she moves in. Roger only half-asks, reasoning that she'll be sharing his room anyway.

Things feel more crowded than they ever have before. It is as if she takes up twice the amount of room that Benny did, even though she is a small creature. While the others try very hard to bring her into their lives, it's hard. She is decidedly Roger's girl. She does not mesh with them so well, and there is slight tension under the surface of their colorful lives.

And life continues to happen. Drum roll, Roger's doing drugs. Crescendo, he and April have aids. _Aids. _And even though Collins had it before, this just seems so different. Roger, the center of their little world, is crumbling. His youth, his motivation – it's all fading slowly into grim reality. He's sick now, and things are going to change.

The others can't help it. They blame April. She got him on the drugs, she gave him this disease. They'd never say it aloud, but: It. Is. Her. Fault. And no one can imagine anything else going wrong.

_Round 5_

Mark, Roger, Maureen and Collins.

Maybe they just ignored it. After all, they weren't close to April, and so maybe they just didn't reach out. They noticed her depression, they just didn't think it was all too serious. Besides, they had Roger to deal with. He was just as depressed, it seemed, with his music career disappearing into sadder things. Mark, Maureen and Collins - they weren't quite sure what to do. Benny wasn't around anymore, and they were left to keep things alive on their own. But everything kept unspooling.

It was April. Dead. She slit her wrists, she _did this_ _on purpose._ Roger screams and sobs, completely inconsolable. The one happy thing about his life is gone, he says. His friends stand sadly in the doorway, wishing they could help, and trying not to feel put off about the fact that they aren't "happy".

_Round 6_

Mark and Roger.

It's too much for Collins and Maureen. Well, it's too much for Mark too, but he knows he _has _to stay. Roger's still grieving, and he's going through withdrawal. He can't do it by himself, so as much as it hurts, Mark knows that he has to stay behind.

Collins is away for work, and Maureen finds her own apartment. She and Mark are still together "officially", but he can feel he's losing her. She comes by, maybe four times a week, in order to make sure that they're both okay. She gives him a kiss, gives Roger a hug, and then leaves. They haven't had sex in months. And she doesn't even try to help. She can see that they're both sinking, and she doesn't even try to save them.

_Round 7_

Mark, Roger and Collins.

It does get better, though. It does. Roger still has aids, and he still stays inside, but he does get better. The loft starts to feel less quarantined, and Mark learns that he can breathe again.

Maureen breaks it off, finally, and the sadness doesn't compare to the relief he feels about Roger's recovery. He was always going to lose her, he realizes, but Roger's someone who he _can't _lose.

Collins does come back, as he promised. There's a lot to tell, and he listens with a sympathetic ear. He's a good friend, Mark realizes in a rush, and he knows how much he missed the guy.

Then Benny asks for the rent, and their whole lives go up in smoke.

_Round 8_

Mark and Roger.

Collins goes to live with Angel. They should have expected it, maybe, but it is still strange for him to be gone. Mark and Roger had just adjusted to the idea of the old loft – happy and bright – and now it's just the two of them again.

For a moment, though, Roger understands how good a friend Mark is. He wants to do something for him, in return, and because he can't think of anything, he pulls out his guitar and sings. The loft has light once again, even though it's just the two of them.

_Round 9_

Mark, Roger and Mimi.

Collins is still staying at Angel's, but Mimi unofficially moves in. She's staying with Roger most of the time anyway, so it makes sense when she moves in a suitcase of her things.

It's been a while since they had a woman around, and it's nice. She cheers the place – and Roger – up. She's great to have around, and so it is Mark who is left to wonder why he is unhappy.

After all, things are going well. What's wrong with him?

He realizes, with a certain sadness, that it's because he's the third wheel. They would be just as happy, he knows, if he were to leave altogether.

But he has nowhere else to go, and so he remains a burden on Roger and Mimi's relationship. At least, that's how it feels.

_Round 10_

Mark and Collins.

History repeats itself, and the terrible things happen all at once. Roger and Mimi break up. Mimi gets with Benny. Angel _dies._ And no one will say it, but it's nothing like when April died. They are losing Angel, whereas April was something that merely happened to them. Sometimes it feels like they'll never get over this.

Roger leaves. He said he would, and he does. He doesn't give a second thought to what he's doing to any of them. Benny is around again, which is strange, although it is nice to have a familiar face.

One night, Collins comes over in tears. He asks if he can move back, because being in the other apartment hurts too much. Mark nods, too drained to comfort him properly. Roger's still gone, Angel's gone, Mimi's nowhere to be found. Every day feels tired and drawn out; he doesn't know what to say anymore.

_Round 11_

Mark, Roger and Collins.

It's sad, what happens. Roger returns, of course. And they save Mimi. But just as she's considering moving back, she dies. It breaks Roger's heart.

This is different than before, though. He doesn't lose himself completely, for which his remaining friends are grateful. However, he never gets over it. He sulks, he doesn't play his guitar. They expected it, yes, but they know things are only going to get worse. Eventually, he and Collins will fade.

Then it will just be Mark, Maureen and Joanne. And the latter two will leave him eventually, in order to start their lives. Now Mark knows that he really can't breathe, because if he does, maybe it will all end.

_Roger 12_

Mark and Roger

Almost symbolically, Collins goes first. Roger gets over Mimi for the day, in order to mourn for him. They saw it coming, a little bit, but it still hurts like hell. They're down to four, and Roger gives them a whisper of a reminder that he's going to. It will only be three then.

Back at the apartment, Mark is beside himself. He misses Collins more than Roger does, he knows. And he can't bear to lose anyone else. He is surprised, and forever grateful, when Roger sits beside him. Just for the day, he is going to be the one taken care of.

It feels good to let go, Mark realizes, as the tears course down his cheeks. It's good to be attached to someone. However, this only makes him sadder. Soon enough, he won't have anyone at all.

_Round 13_

Mark

Four months have passed. Roger's gone, and Maureen and Joanne are always busy. He's on his own, except for the occasional meeting with Benny. His film is out there, for the world to see.

It makes him more money than he expected, and he's moving. Maybe it's not right, to leave all their memories behind, but he knows that it's the only way he'll ever move on. He _wants_ to live now. He wants to start a family.

So he gives the loft a final wave, hoping that memories of his friends don't leave him with it.


End file.
